Tuesday, March 1, 2011


well well .. ive been on IV vancomycin and aztreonam for almost a two full weeks now, and have had no improvement whatsoever. i am bringing up more mucus then before i went on IV i think..and i am really worried. So yesterday, we called the clinic and they switched me from aztreonam to merrem..which is what i was on in december with the vanco and that seemed to work pretty fast. im hoping and praying that the problem was the aztreonam wasnt doing the job for some reason, and now ill get better switching over to merrem. I feel SO SHITTY right now, i cant even go into a store without having a horrific coughing fit where people are like staring and running, and me having to walk out of the store and go to the car while my mom and sisters finish up in there. My health has gotten so bad i wont go anywhere by myself or drive by myself anymore because im seriously scared. I make my mom come with me basically anywhere i need to go. She is my rock, and is the most wonderful woman in the world. If it wasn't for her i dont know where i would be today, probably dead. I sound so congested right now, and like i could cough up 10 pounds of mucus and still have more. Of course the downside of all this is that last time i was on the merrem, it made me so friggen nauteous it was almost unbearable. I started my first dose last night, and it wasnt unbearable, but it definnietly is not pleasant. Being nauteous is one of the worst feelings in the world, i would rather vomit then be nauteous anyday. It feels like there is an elephant sitting on top of my chest and wont get off. I have been having horrible chest pains still and they hurt like a bitch. I am so physically mentally and emotionally drained. Ive had to take anxiety medicine almost every day for the past couple days. I get so sad, so easily..just living this life where im basically incapable of doing anything for myself and laying in bed all day because im so sick is really getting me down. I WANT TO BE BETTTER ALREADY! for a little while at least,,  please? thats the worst part about CF is that we can get better all we want, be we all know its just temporary..only a matter of time til were back on IVs, the same condition as we were weeks or months before, even worse. ugh, im sorry but i just think its a horrible way of life. i would love to know what its like to wake up and not worry about struggling to breathe. i just HOPE this medicine works!