first..

So this is my first time writing a blog. I figure, why not start because I always have a lot to get off my chest and i have alot of free time because at this point im really too sick to do much of anything. Ive become very depressed over the past year. I guess i've just really come to terms with accepting my CF, and that i am slowly but surely just going to get sicker and sicker. I am 87 pounds, and don't have the energy to do basically anything. My body is just so weak i cant even handle walking around a store. My bones are sticking out of my body, and everything hurts. I've been trying for a year now to gain weight but ive been so sick i either have no appetite, or im on medicine that is making me want to puke my guts up. CF has taken over my whole entire life. I dont ever wanna go anywhere or do anything. Im depressed and i absolutely hate the way i look, its disgusting. I try so hard to be positive and see the bright side of things but it's really hard especially since im in horrible pain all day and all night..one of the other things all contributing to my depression. I have basically no friends anymore because all my friends drink and smoke and since i cant really go out and do those things with the way i am, they've all basically dropped me. I just truly don't want to be in pain anymore, i feel like im 90 years old. Im just so lost .. tomorrow is new years eve and its my first year being legal to actually be able to go out and drink, and im proobably staying home. :( i just am so lost..